After successfully laying in bed for 3 hours I decided to stop fighting my inability to sleep and get up. I think I'm going to start packing... get it off my mind... discover once and for all if the items which I've laid out are far too many or if I'll be able to carry them all.
I have yet to make it to our spare room which holds all my supplies and clothes for this trip... instead I found myself slouched over a bowl of honey smacks uncontrollably crying. I stayed home sick today, well now I guess it's yesterday, with severe sinus congestion and my tears are only making matters worse...
I've been quite busy the last several days buying last minute supplies, following up on scholarships I've applied for, juggling work and home work for my final two classes of my Master's degree... and last year this same time I so freshly remember the stomach burning anxiety that has become all too familiar yet once again, for last year this time instead of counting down 18 days until my departure for Africa the countdown was for my wedding.
Totally different emotions and nerves - but the very same reality this step would be a life changing one... but only for the better... and as is often my problem - what my head knows doesn't often relate to my heart... "be still my heart, find peace"... and so I sit here at 3:30 in the morning in an eerily silent house, dripping tears in my honey smacks, when I should be fast asleep nursing my cold.
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